[ feeling : depressed ]
[ hearing : silence ]
I never wrote about this but at one point during the summer, as I read through online blogs, there was one subject that seemed to be repeated quite a lot. This would be the fact everyone who’s anyone was (or still is) absolutely content with their lives. So what, right?
An ol’ elementary school chum by the name of Adrianne came to visit me on Monday. Although everyone knows it and I knew it as well, she made a statement about high school … a statement that there’s one basic need that can get you through those four years believing they were the best days of your life: a tight group of friends.
Sorry for the angst.
I haven’t been content with my life for a long time. Is it because I lack a tight group of friends? I have to be adopted by other groups. When it happens, y’know … tagging along with Spike and her school chums … or even with ol’ elementary school chums Henry & Joey … it just saddens me. I could never get anyone to care about me as much they do for Spike. I’m not as lovable as some people are. Spike, you’re so lucky that you’re so loved.
On my own, I’m lucky to even get out of the house with my parents. Like I’ve said before, I haven’t talked to a single human being from NCP … outside of school. No one calls me. Ever. If I felt social one day, I’m the one who would have to call people. No one calls me for anything. You know how I take that? No one wants to talk to me. Even when I call people, I always have this guilt and paranoia that I’m bothering them … I’m simply annoying or boring them.
You’d think by your senior year of high school,
You’d be passed the insecurities of friends;
You’d be passed the “fitting in” stage.
Apparently, in my case, it doesn’t happen.
I guess I was never worth the time.
-Marina- 29 August, 11:10 PM #