[ feeling : sad ]
[ hearing : canasta – chicago slow down ]
So I’ve been working at O’hare Ventures (aka the Manchu Wok in Terminal 3) for almost two months now. I’m scared because my last job lasted for two months before I got fired. I don’t know, getting fired isn’t a very good thing. I feel that I could be let go anytime soon. I just feel really paranoid because ever since I’ve been transferred to register, I’ve been a big fuck up.
A cash register plus a girl who hasn’t taken math in a while equals nothing good.
Although… I’m really careful with my register’s money. I think the system is out to get me.
I don’t even know why I fear getting fired. I mean, lately, I’ve been feeling massively depressed at my workplace. The whole establishment is like a family except I’m that black sheep that people rarely talk to let alone acknowledge. It’s probably because I don’t speak Tagalog or Spanish … and the fact I don’t talk about (or know about, really) Abercrombie, designer perfumes and new Green Day songs doesn’t help either. It’s like … everyone gets a hug goodbye except me.
Yeah, sad times. Did I mention Mr. Tsurutani works at a nearby bookstore in the same terminal? Yeah, sadder times. I was hoping I would have been moved to Terminal 1.
Happier things that should be mentioned:
- The Changes, Alphabet, and Wax on Radio at Schubas
- Head of Femur, Catfish Haven, and Canasta at Beat Kitchen
- The Squid and the Whale
- Escape from Earth, Absent Star, Blame Twilight, Flying Just Below Radar, and A Fading Memory at The Metro
Canasta is a really good local band. Alphabet is really good, too. As for the show at the Metro … I cared for the first three bands listed. That show was tonight and it was really different from the concerts I’ve been going to lately. It’s been a while since I’ve seen Alkaline Trio t-shirts at a concert.
Everyone goes back to school on my birthday.
I don’t have a wishlist at this point because …
I got none of the stuff on my last one.
(Well except maybe a t-shirt that I actually got myself)
(I am not counting my Amazon wishlist)
(Joe spoils me by getting me stuff on that)
(I like parentheses =D)
[ feeling : depressed ]
[ hearing : the simpsons on fox ]
So I officially failed General Chemistry. I guess a weekend of studying does nothing on me. It also doesn’t help that my TA was the vaguest motherfucker on earth who gave shoulder shrugs more than solutions to our problems. My classmates in discussion weren’t helpful either.
I hate when I ask classmates for help and they just go ‘I don’t know’ but have that look on their face that says, “Uh … fuck you. I know what I’m doing but I’ll never tell you a goddamn thing.”
But then … god forbid THEY have problems with it … they go around and ask you for help even though they refused to help you.
I know I should have tried harder.
Third time with Chemistry and I’m still shit.
I wasted my parents’ money.
They’re going to lose more.
My financial aid is probably going to be gone.
I’m such an incompetent fucker.
I miss Mynor and Sebastian for being able to help me.
They were always nice enough to help.
[ feeling : sad ]
[ hearing : belle & sebastian – if you’re feeling sinister ]
Everyone ran into everyone.
I think everyone from NCP was intentionally avoiding me because I didn’t see a single one of the 20+ people from the high school. I didn’t make any new friends. I don’t have any friends it seems. May, a girl I met a while back through Spike, texted me numerous times but I never got to run into her. Pallo was rejected by all the Wi-Fi access areas so I was bored and lonely between classes.
Only thing I enjoyed was the fact my teachers are not that bad.
I actually have two or three more of them to meet.
The day ended up ok because my day ended at 2PM instead of near 4PM and so I got to go to IIT to wander around with Joe and Karl. I wish I went there instead of UIC … It’s fucking gorgeous. In addition, their orientation activities were better than any attempt at a night club. I mean, free food. Not only free food, GOOD free food. AND … The people there are loads nicer. A girl just talked to me out of nowhere. She didn’t even seem to mind the fact I wasn’t an IIT student.
One class tomorrow.
Hopefully evening plans will work out.
My mom is giving me shit.
Niki Rosario, I don’t hate you.
I really, really don’t.
[ feeling : not cool ]
[ hearing : andrew bird – fake palindromes ]
Orientation was cool because Rhea was there.
I didn’t make any new friends.
Though the orientation leaders tried.
I found a dollar on the ground last night.
I thought it was going to be a fabulous day,
But then my dog died.
He was 10 years old,
But he died because of a car.
Also, I’m the only person not going to or at Lollapalooza.
I’m going to cry in a corner now.
[ feeling : angry/overwhelmed/hyper/depressed ]
[ hearing : elvis costello – let’s misbehave ]
Yes. I got bored with my layout. Actually, I liked Pablo’s layout so much, I wanted a Rachell Sumpter painting on my site. Favourite artist at the moment I guess. Premenstrating. Ugh. Eating Moose Tracks Ice Cream. Yum. Need more sugary goodness. Gummi Beren perhaps? SOUR GUMMI! Oh man, I want some of that! OH OH OH … I want some Jays Hot Stuff ‘tato chips real bad. MMM …
Yeah, that ain’t sugary goodness.
Salty, spicy goodness.
Not much to say. Envious of a certain scenester crowd. Depressed because I don’t have a modelesque androgynous thing going in the body department. Fat, fat, fat everywhere. I still eat! Boobs ruin my chances in finding a prom dress. School is too much. Quiz. Test. AP Tests in a month or so. I want a second week off. Ugh, first day of work on Friday either way. Not fun job, Excel work. Ugh, don’t like the Nguyen.
Why do they get 10 comments a minute just for being like every other emo kid?!?!?!?!??!? LET ME FUCKING STARVE MYSELF AND WEAR THRIFT STORE CLOTHES LIKE IT’S VERSACE … They’re just as bad as aZn pRyDerZ. Xanga plus multiplying in record numbers.
Ok, I’m done.
How’s the layout?!?
[ feeling : lonely ]
[ hearing : john barrowman & kevin kline – night & day ]
You know what kind of people make me sad? Those people who you talk to for a few seconds but tend to meander off when someone more interesting comes along. What’s even worse is the fact that they don’t even realize they do it because it’s just how they are and if you went up to those people and told them, they wouldn’t even think there was a problem. You’d get one of those puppy dog reactions where they don’t realize when they piddle on the carpet, it’s wrong. Even as I write this, I bet the people who do it don’t even realize I’m talking about them. Upsetting really.
Just a random thought.
Then again perhaps it just happens to me. As usual, here I am going into one of those menstral rants about how I want to be loved and how everything I do or say isn’t worth a damned thing. And yes, I’m fully aware it’s stupid to blame all the bad on my menstral cycle.
[ feeling : drained ]
[ hearing : radiohead – paranoid android ]
Well, my wallet came back, Pablo bought a scarf, and in a matter of weeks (hopefully!) ... I’ll be receiving a baby and some Threadless tees in the mail.
By baby I mean iPod.
I’m going to name it Phillip …
because I miss Phillip Ozarki. Har, Ozarki.
In return, I must pass AP Chem as well as escape the hole in which Ms. Yoo placed me in. I must!
I’ve been feeling especially worthless lately. I mean, I thought I was simply wanting punishment to that kid that shall not be named but rather than being angry and full of rage … I’m pretty much full of more self-loathing.
I mean, it’s stupid to feel that way just because of some elitist smartass but … I don’t know. I feel like I’ll never understand the whole human interaction thing. I geniunely believe it’s my fault for trying. I’m the one who was stupid enough to believe I had a chance … I’m not a people person, how could I have possibly have the chance? I can’t properly construct sentences when I speak (as well as write). I’m not full of strong opinions on things … ... ... I lack any physique, I am not pretty … nor am I smart enough for hey, an elitist smartass. I’d have absolutely nothing to offer in the end. I guess it was for the best?
I’ll disregard the scarf …
Too sad to care anymore.
On Xanga? You actually care for what I say? Well then! Sign up for Livejournal and be able to read my Friends Only journal at abandonedstar! Xanga blows anyway. Ugh, that was lame.
[ feeling : annoyed ]
[ hearing : apocalyptica – requiem of the gods ]
Do you know what’s one of the most annoying things you have to deal with going to the chosen “Nerd” school of the city? Kids crying about seeing a B or C on their report card … FOR HONOURS CLASSES, PEOPLE! They see it as an F. It’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever seen. I mean, I guess it’s ok to care about your grades but it’s not the fuckin’ end of the world. I mean, being at Northside, I have to hear people complain about how they did not get at least a 4.5 GPA or how a 30 on the ACT is horrible. JESUS CHRIST.
Another thing I get annoyed about is the fact the people at Northside take everything for granted. They complain about the coffee shop? What other school has a coffee shop? They complain about school productions and student assemblies? A lot of schools don’t have the opportunity to have colloquium or fantabulous plays. We’re fuckin’ spoiled.
[ feeling : broken ]
[ hearing : silence ]
I’ve never felt more alone in my life.
I feel like crying for an eternity.
* * * * E D I T * * * * 24 Sept, 2004
I lessthanthree Marina for always commenting and texting.
[ feeling : nauseous ]
[ hearing : the computer breathing ]
I’m considering putting a group blog on my domain.
Any ‘Yays’, just say so and suggest a name whille you’re at it.
So the first week is over … Seems to be quite the popular topic in all blogs lately. It was crap. The rest of the year is going to be crap. Being friendless/cliqueless is the worst feeling ever (you guys who consider me your friend, don’t say that if you don’t talk to me outside of school). What’s even worse than that is the fact the only person I consider an actual friend doesn’t give a shit about anything at the moment. Or at least me. We’ve been friends since kindergarten, it’s been a while. She’s probably entirely bored with everything I have to say. I mean, I never say anything new.
Bright side: I got a GameBoy Advance SP on Friday. I’m dull so I got the black one. I really wanted the Classic one but hey, they discontinued it! Damn Limited Editioned… STUFF. Only bad part about it is the fact I want to play on it all day instead of do the tons of homework I have due tomorrow.
DAMN YOU NINTENDO!