I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.
You know this already.
To tell you the truth, for the past few years, I’ve been trying to block out what our relationship was. Whenever I thought of it, I just thought of how immature we were … Like, those typical horny teenagers. I hated that and yet, we were basically it. I never really thought of it in any other way. And it was just forgotten for a while.
But why now do I think of you? The topic of past relationships came up I guess. When I actually think back on all those moments I had with you, I absolutely adored them. All the pictures we have with each other. All the doodles of “Di & Freddie George”. All those times you used to sing over the phone. All the poetry just for me. It was ridiculously corny but who wouldn’t love that?
Then I remember even making you a mixed CD with more corny-ness. All those random love songs paired with a lame CD design.
And I just bring all that to a halt because of my immaturity. Just now I feel rotten about hurting you so badly. When I actually sit down and think of the good reason I broke up with you, I couldn’t really think of one. I’m sorry. Took me so long but I’m sorry.
I don’t know how you are really. Last time I spoke to you was via AIM and it was brief … and you were stoned. I don’t think you think of me. You’ve had what … dozens of girlfriends since me. And if you do think of me, I don’t think it’s anything positive.
I think of you but I don’t know what to think of you. Arrested? For narcotics? Everything’s changed. I should get used to the fact I’m probably the last living clean unreligious St. Ed’s kid. Hell, even the religious ones aren’t clean. But I really don’t know what to think of you. I knew I loved you. To some extent, I still do. You were my first love. It was great. I don’t know what would’ve happened if things went more smoothly.
I really don’t know what to think of you.