“Nobody likes Milhouse.”
We laughed for hours it seems just by that phrase. It was ridiculous but we laughed at it for hours. You’re the only person that I could talk about nothing for hours on end and be assured that you were pretty much enjoying the conversation about nothing as much as I was.
You’re also the only person I know that watches almost as much television as I do, plays pretty much the same kind of video games as I do, and pretty much had that sort of lax attitude towards most things as I do. You understood me. You tolerated my stupidity. All of that was quite reassuring. Thanks.
But then there was the whole fact that I was pretty much the only one who tried keeping ties with us close. I was pretty much the only one who called and checked on you every now and then. If I never called, I’d never hear from you. I had this crazy idea that you’d change this whole passive shit.
I mean, we had a fight or two about it, it’s only natural I had that hint of hope you’d get a clue. I had hope that you’d actually do something insane and physically call me on your own without the phone call being about a favor. Like check up on me like I usually did with you.
But then you didn’t. I don’t know what took me so long to realize you wouldn’t. If anything, you grew more distant. You denied that fact numerous times over. Even the incident with the Poetry Slam you denied it and you clearly knew your priorities and they were simply not with me.
I knew ending our friendship wouldn’t have mattered. You were the one everyone loved. You were the one who had the masses wanting to be your friend. You were the one with the dozens upon dozens of fans over the internet. You were the one with everyone’s attention. And you never even had to make the effort. You were just that loveable.
I was just like everyone. Times with you were amazing; there was a reason I tried. You knew about how much I cared about you … but you never properly took the time to really show or say how much you cared about me.
If you did.
It was difficult writing a letter to you after our friendship was all done with. You were all I had for a long time. What a fucked up way to live trying at a one-sided relationship. And now, it’s all I know and I don’t want it anymore. The fact there’s a chance I’ll wind up in that same situation again prevents me from even trying. I’m so tired of trying.
Also, I question my self worth, Michelle. All the time. You know why? Because why would anyone give a damn about me when my own best friend didn’t care to give me a single phone call?